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4.30 Are you living the sub guy life? And can YOU call me Mistress?

Let’s not beat about the bush. I have the sniffles. I had a slightly different plan for yesterday’s episode but since it’s something I’d like you to revisit, I’m shuffling things around to ensure I sound “right”.

I think all will be well by Friday the 30th. It’s important to keep looking forward.


In this episode I’m covering whether or not you’re living the sub-guy life. And, later I’ll go over whether or not you can call me Mistress, because that’s a question that has surfaced a few times. Both of these topics actually, they’ve come up quite a bit in emails and messages.

Also, the elephant in the room. I obviously have a cold. My entire city seems to have a cold. There is a run on Kleenex here. I won’t be recording sessions with this voice, but I figure a podcast is stuffy-nose-voice-appropriate.

Literally had a short spanking session with someone over this stuff-nose situation, just today. Which put me in a good Mistressly headspace, and I decided just to go ahead with the podcast. Oh, someone had the audacity to say they couldn’t take me seriously when I talk like this. They’re now… and they did you know, the whole pinch-their-nose-together. Well they’re now taking me seriously after taking a hairbrush to their bottom. Just about everyone has a hairbrush, or a wooden spoon, or heck even a flat shoe works in a pinch. But spanking isn’t one of today’s topics, it’s whether or not you’re living the sub-guy life.

Now I do get a lot of sad tales. I am not signed up to be somebody’s therapist. I do have a lot of hypnotherapy skills, but that’s not quite the same as couple counselling, is it? Now with some of these, I get you. I was once in a relationship that was definitely the wrong place for me. It was not the right place for him, but it was one that just… on paper seemed to be the right choice, you know? And you do and you do and you do and you keep thinking it will get better, but you know time is passing and that clock is ticking and you gotta make a decision.

For a lot of people that is so hard because it’s almost like your friends split up, right? And your relatives say stuff, and then people say things like “Oh you know, grandma and grandpa were married for fifty years.” Well, whatever, don’t go after the fifty year thing if it isn’t the right relationship, okay? Because it’s your life and you don’t get like a trophy, nothing like that.

Anyway, so sometimes the relationship is just the wrong one. But quite a few of these sad tales that come through are not so much about the wrong relationship as much as the wrong mindset. So I get a lot of… whining. That that you know, you just can’t live your submissive guy life because she won’t tell you what to do. Or you can’t bring this up because she is so… well, I’m saying she but you know, this is the Femdom podcast, so I’m assuming these, this is my lane to stay in.

Training Yourself to be a Better Submissive

Or you know that your relationship partner is just so close-minded. Well here’s the thing, you can still do stuff. Let’s say you’re actually living with someone, you’re sharing a house, okay… that’s this relationship opr a few someones, or whatever.

There are things available to you to do as a submissive guy. Now, don’t go asking what you can do… because that creates work. I. Hate. This. Now if it’s an actual project, like we are… let’s pretend we’re back in the States and we’re gonna be living on a farm, okay? And we are building a chicken tractor, and I’m… you know… doing my thing and you come over and say “Oof… what can I do?” That’s fine, you know? Because there’s an order to it, right? And it’s a one set project, whatever… fine.

In your own house, come on… you know what needs done. You know it. I know you know it. You know you know it. Your partner wasn’t born knowing everything about knowing how to manage a house, how to make sure appointments are made, or this tax is handled, and the library books go back. They weren’t born with this innate knowledge. It isn’t some skill. They don’t sneak us off to these secret classes to learn all this stuff. Okay?

You know. You’re a grown-ass adult, you know. So just do it. Seriously, if you are a submissive guy and this is a person you love… maybe you’re claiming right now you don’t love ‘em as much, or you’re not in love with them like before… whatever. Pretend you’re dating. Pretend it’s still that engagement period. Whatever, and go for it.


And don’t say what you did. Don’t expect some big old thank you. Because guess what? That assume whatever chore you just did, you did it assuming it was her’s, and so therefore you deserve a thank you. Now I’m hoping that if you’ve been with me for a while, that you are not that kind of a guy. Really hoping. Yeah, because… oh my god, that’s so tedious, isn’t it? So, you know… if I’m living with someone, I’m not going to gush over the floor being swept, well, in certain scenarios with you know, outfits included, a little bit of power play going there… or a lot, perhaps there’d be some fun Prissy-Praising happening. But right now I’m just talking about everyday life in la-la-land.

And you know, if you swapped the laundry around, that’s a mix of household whatevers, don’t wait on the brass band to celebrate you. And if you won’t do these things, let’s ssay you’re gonna say you’re not a service sub, that’s not your kink… guess what? It’s still an act of submission. It is still acting out a way of making your relationship partners life better. And it should be a way to get some of your subby-guy fix. I’m not saying you’ve got to be the house servant, while she is whiling away the hours on TikTok or whatnot.

What I’m saying is, you can’t whine to me that you’re never allowed to serve, when you’re basically just saying you want to serve by licking her boots, or having her sit on your face, and something like scrubbing up the whole bathroom before running her a bath is just beneath your subby wants.

A Devious Test for Devious Mistresses

You know, the… first coming home with a Mistress, one fun thing to do especially with a guy that all around is pretty good, let’s say he’s like… 85% like “Yeah, I can work with this.” okay? He is somebody who has practiced serving and doing other things, and whatever else, and his mannerisms come true, but unfortunately let’s say this guy has spent let’s say the last five years idealizing how being with a Mistress would be, and even worse… he has picked one, maybe two fantasies to jack off to all the time. Now this guy, he probably needs to go pay someone. And tell them exactly what he’s expecting.

Now I’m not really against that for what we do, because I think that’s fun. I have people who say “This is what I want to live out, can’t do it in my everyday life, let’s do it in the headspace.” and then we create something, and I think that’s fantastic, and a lot of time that comes out in public, and you get to enjoy it to.

But let’s get back to everyday life guy… and again, this could even be a session, couldn’t it? If you wanted to explore it. Basically, been out a few times, you know he’s not an axe murderer, he know you’re not an axe murderer, you hit it off, this is the first time coming home.

The best way to do that, because you know, well, I know that he is horny as hell, and he’s kinda hoping we’ll go through the steps, and sometime you know, we’re going to go down the the dungeon and just play. Instead, it’s so good to have him take off just about everything. Undershorts can stay on, have him stand in the bedroom while I go take a shower, it’s a glass door, I don’t mind being watched. Coming out, getting a tower, even letting him server by helping me dry, and then you know… putting on my comfy PJs. I have a avocado set that I absolutely love, and then telling him, it’s his turn. In the shower he goes. Scrubbing clean.

Now you know, you know what he’s thinking now, right? I’m clean, he’s clean, maybe the PJs threw him off a bit. And then, either going out to, well we call it a front room here, and watching a show, which he’s gonna think is like.. Netflix and Chill, right? Or, let’s say it’s pretty damn late, going to the bed, telling his that he’s the little spoon, because I actually don’t want to feel his arousal all night, and then going to sleep. And then the next morning teaching him how to make my coffee.

Now, the guy who has his one or two scenarios and he jerks off to them all the time? He’s gonna be pissed off, or at least… like… really blah’d, right? And he’s going to make that pouty and known. But the submissive guy, he can be frustrated, that’s totally fine. But he’s also going to stay as him. He’s going to be like… getting some of that submissive guy fix, right? Her needs above his needs. And I’m sure as it goes on, more rewarding stuff comes. You know, like a hairbrush against your bottom.

Submissive Training For Unattached Submissives

So let’s say you don’t have a relationship partner. Let’s say you still are in that dating mode. We’ll go from that and then next we’ll talk about from that… just friends and family that’s your social circle. If you are dating, and let’s say you’re not having much luck asking people out, put on your Sabriel mindset. And instead of asking out whoever on the same old tired date like to dinner, see what they might like, or if you have no idea, still do something different. Find out when open mic night is somewhere, I would love… love, love, love that. I wouldn’t be doing it. You know, my style of storytelling is more for a discrete audience. Or, stand up comedian, you know… live local sports, especially like that little team because if you’re in the States, the farm teams for baseball, it’s always fun. They always have like… goofy things going on, and so on, you know… something different.

Now let’s say you’re not dating, right now. In between and all that, taking a break, whatever. And it’s just friend and family, you can still do the same thing. You can still practise that mindset of you know… going with your buddy to see a museum? Trying out paddleboarding with a cousin, doing something along those lines. Again, this is getting you in the mindset of… them, not you.

If as I’ve talked through all of that it sounds so damn tedious to you, I’m going to say… and there’s nothing wrong with this, but I’m going to say, maybe you’re not a submissive guy, maybe you just like certain things with your sex, and that’s okay. It is! It’s absolutely okay.

But if you are looking to use someone as kinda like a prop, because you know exactly how you want it to go, you’re probably not going to find that in your average relationship. You’re probably not going to find that in your current relationship, which is mostly vanilla, and twisting it over to something else.

But I can almost promise you, if you are a submissive guy and this is giving you some new ideas of ways to kind of explore that in your everyday life, even if it’s not kinky fun, but it’s just creating you, then you’re going to find success. You just are. You’re going to find yourself feeling good. You’re going to find more people being warm to you. And if you have this everyday life relationship that isn’t going to so, or has stagnated, or whatever else… if you practise those things, and you practise in discussions, making sure you’re not quick to jump in. You’re not quick to correct. You’re not quick to give your opinion, you know? She’s telling you something that she heard on talk radio, you know… that working. And you wanna jump in and say “Ah, but… blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.” Is it worth it? Is it really worth it to say it? Or is it worth it to you, to listen to her and enjoy that she’s sharing something with you. That you have this person interested in the world, interested in you, and talking to you. Don’t take that stuff for granted.

Why You Can Call Me Mistress

Now this is going a little bit different… I don’t often talk about people’s other relationships and so on, I am a pretty big believer that we can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. People do come in and out of our lives, and that is also fine. You don’t have to like… hold onto everybody like it’s some… I can’t even remember what year that was. Like the 80s or 90s those Beanie Babies, you don’t have to do that. You know, you can appreciate the comings and goings. But let’s talk about why you can call me Mistress.

Now part of this, and this has come up a bit and usually it comes across a ploy for me to say something about the relationship or whatever else. And honestly, we can just reel it all the way back; you can call me Mistress, because I identify as a Mistress. Any of the other honoriffics, I pretty-much accept. It took me a while to get used to Goddess. I did not have someone in my everyday life who was really into that, except for a brief stint. You know, Darling… I love Darling. That’s usually my day-honorrific, you know… out in public. Quite a few things. That’s why. That’s why you can call me Mistress. Because I identify as a Mistress.

Can you also just write to me as Elswyth? Yes. And I do have people do that, because I actually do have non-submissive guys, just people who are with me for the self-growth, for the… they have another relationship going on, or they don’t identify as a submissive guy. That’s really okay, I don’t fall apart. My own personal worth and happiness and so on doesn’t really come from whether or not Joe-Schmoe si gonna call me Mistress. If you write a message to me and you call me Elswyth I’m not like… scoring any points, I’m not flinching or whatever. It doesn’t threaten me in any way. That’s why you can call me that.

So, going along those lines, this one I’ve come up with a few times, for tasks, ummm… and I like it. Because it makes you think outside the box. There are quite a few people who are in power exchange relationships, who do have, you know, those different names for eachother. So, those that have come up quite a few times for me, are Mistress, Goddess, Empress, Darling, and… am I forgetting one? And of course Elswyth.

And anyway, your job is this; come up with a title. You can borrow from history, you can borrow from other languages, whatever… Come up with a title that you haven’t heard me use for myself, and let me know what it is. Now you don’t have to stick with it, and that’s fine. But I do want to hear it. And then, your Permissive Circumstance relies on this part, which is the second half of your task; come up with title, nickname, whatever, that would pair with it. Kind-of like our Little Treasure and the Pirate? That kind of pairing, I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

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